Posts tagged ‘tv’

Yesterday two things happened that reminded me just how much the Internet has changed the way we communicate. The first was about physical distance and the march of technology. The second, how the Internet has removed some structures and replaced others.

Which makes it all sound so much grander than it really was.

Event 1 : Wooo, tech!

First, let me tell you about 1996. I was at University in Leicester, spending way too much time with nerds, watching too much SciFi and “dating” a girl in Alberta.

A normal day during the holidays would start with dialing in to the University SLIP (this was just before we got Dial-up) and using Telnet to check my email in Pine. We only had one phone line, and after 8am cost money, so it was very much a quick peek. I spent the day pretty much out of the loop, unless someone sent a message to my pager – and then the conversation was pretty much one way, since I hated payphones. At about 4pm, Sky One showed their daily shot of Star Trek : TNG and I spent 45 minutes watching Tasha Ya caress her computer and Deanna Troi accuse everyone of hiding something (and wondering why, if the computer was so clever, it needed to be told that Earl Grey should be served hot). At 6pm, my grandmother would finally wrestle the remote control from my hands and I’d go and tie up the phone lines again, dialing back in to the University system to chat with friends – either as a group via a MUD or one to one in the fantastically confusing “Talk”, where both parties had equal rights to type things in the same box. Finally, at about midnight (when phone costs dropped again) I dialed about 20 numbers (plus an international phone number) into the phone so that I could spend £5 on ten minutes chatting to this girl in Canada…

Fast forward 15 years to the day…

Yesterday, just before work, I went to the coffee shop to get, well, coffee. While I was waiting, my phone chirpped three times – once to tell me I had a new email, a second to tell me my brother wanted me, and a third time to tell me Earl Grey should be hot.

The day before, I’d called a UK service provider (tax/utilities/insurance type thing) to tell them to cancel my brother’s service. Only – they wouldn’t talk to me because I wasn’t my brother (we’ll ignore the fact they only knew this because I said I wasn’t). He would, they said, have to ring them to say he wanted it cancelled – but they only had an 0870 number, which can’t be accessed from abroad.

Using my leet ninja nerd skills (ahem) I got the unlisted number, sent it to my brother and told him to sort his own shit out. That second chirp was my brother, on a computer smaller than my 1996 external hard drive, IMing me, on a device twice the size of my 1996 pager, yet more powerful than the 1996 PC, to tell me that he’d just used Skype to call the provider (for free) to tell them he wasn’t a UK resident any more.

It struck me that, barring the whole space travel bit (which, lets face it, wasn’t a major part of TNG), tech was now more like Star Strek than it was like 1996. Hell, if you believe the Apple adverts, Siri has a better grasp of English than Enterprise’s computer.

Event 2 : Twitter

On a completely different subject, when did sending celebrities weird messages stop being the actions of a stalker?

Last night, while watching the BBC’s frankly fantastic Only Connect, I posted a message to twitter…

SodiumLights : Why are this week’s #onlyconnect teams dressed to match their backgrounds? Is round 5 hide and seek? Even @VictoriaCoren is at it… [LINK]

This morning, I woke up to find my phone desperately trying to catch my attention – someone had mentioned me on twitter…

VictoriaCoren : @sodiumlights I’D LOVE THAT TO BE ROUND 5. Unfortunately, I refuse to wear my glasses and we’ve only got half an hour.[LINK]

When did this happen? When did it become normal for people making random observations about TellyLand have TellyLand respond to them?

It took 7 years of alternating between ignoring them and telling them that I knew their rules better than they do, but the wonderful people of TV Licensing finally decided to send one of their crack team of enforcement agents to my door – a woman in her 50s with a Range Rover Sport and one of those attitudes that says that you are scum and you are now officially “In Trouble”. To be honest, I was disappointed…

So, I can now tell you how deep and involved their interrogation techniques are.

You’ll need the tag end of a roll of co-axial cable, tucked behind the radiator, preferably covered in cobwebs. You’ll also need to make sure that the channels 1 to 4 are tuned to static.

  1. Show the officer the end of the cable.
  2. Show the officer channels 1 to 4 of static
  3. Wave goodbye to her

Job done.

Of course, if you happen to use your DVD player or digital set top box as a receiver then your first four channels wouldn’t be tuned in, would they?

So, just remember boys and girls – you only need a license to receive broadcast TV at the time that it is broadcast.

Things you need a license for:

  • Watching or recording TV broadcasts that have come down your aerial
  • Watching an internet stream of live TV if it’s being broadcast live by a UK provider – you can watch The Daily Show live, but you can’t watch the Olympics via a Bolivian TV station if it’s being shown on the BBC at the same time
  • Using a TV card in a computer
  • Technically, watching a VHS of something someone else recorded for you

Things you don’t need a license for:

  • Watching iPlayer, 4OD or similar on demand internet streams from UK broadcasters, as long as they aren’t being broadcast at the same time. I’m not sure how this works for repeats…
  • Watching DVDs
  • Playing computer games
  • Using it as a strangely expensive and useless mirror

Don’t let their bullying letters scare you. If you don’t watch live broadcast TV on your TV, don’t get a license. Spend the money on a congratulatory meal out instead…

I’m only up to the end of season 3, which probably makes this list a bit spoilery


  • Drink every time someone is given additional powers to get the writer’s out of a corner.
  • Drink every time a major plot line is completely abandoned (Claire’s a lesbian right?)
  • Drink every time a character’s consistently evil past is ignored and someone gives them another chance to screw them over.
  • Drink every time a Hero could have solved a problem by ACTUALLY USING THEIR SUPER POWERS but chose not to.
  • Drink every time Hiro’s brain tumor is cured by a dream (so far this has only happened once).
  • Drink every time you get fucking sick of reading ALL of Hiro and Ando’s dialog in subtitles WE TOTALLY GET IT, THEY’RE JAPANESE!!!
  • Drink every time Claire seems to forget that her blood cures death in others, so it really doesn’t matter if anyone she cares about dies.
  • Drink every time you have no idea who Noah works for any more.
  • Drink every time it’s obvious the FX budget has run out and they show a “power” off screen or with simple lighting effects.
  • Drink every time a characters actions completely betray any previous character development (WARNING: This is guaranteed to kill you).
May 2009
Candy Stripers

I’m watching old episodes of ER with GB and finally got around to searching Google to find out what a Candy Striper is.

The results from a Google Image Search gives you a surprisingly good idea. Apparently they’re hookers in hospitals… :)