Posts tagged ‘amusing’

Dec 2010
31
XKCD : Audiophiles

( Go visit XKCD. No really. If you don’t know Randall’s comics, go. I’ll wait… )

My brain does weird things when I’m falling asleep. Conversation between me and GB, my wife.

Me: Can’t sleep. My brain is being mean to me. It keeps trying to create some fake chemical name.
GB: Yeah?
Me: Lacto-something acid. The something ends in ‘ick’. And all I can come up with is Barric.
GB: Okay…
Me: What’s Lacto-barric acid? Milk that gets more acidic when the air pressure changes?
GB: It could be Barium.
Me: No it couldn’t…
GB: Why not?
Me: Because milk comes from cows not swallows.
GB: What…?
GB: Oh.
Me: Ow…

In case your brain doesn’t work like mine, here’s the punchline. Not fun. Like someone decided the next Muller corner yoghurt would be chalk flavour…

I know that none of you listen to Radio One (you’re all too grown up and/or cynical for that) but I’ve been sat in the car a lot this weekend, and there’s only so many times you can listen to Sweet Home Alabama before you go insane…

So, I’d like to present you with three tracks and see if you come to the same conclusion I did…

First up, Scooter’s “Nessaja” from 2002. Oh yes, 8 whole years ago (and it was 10 years too late then)…

Don’t feel you have to listen to all of it. You may well go insane.

Next we have the Scooter tribute band “Moped” from 2006…

Finally we have this Enter the Ninja from South African group Die Antwoord. It’s only just appeared on theradio now, and I assume it’s less than a year old (their first album was last year).

I can’t help feeling someone is parodying a parody…

(When she dances, I can’t help thinking she’s getting the form wrong too…)

Sep 2010
2
How to draw an owl

How to draw an owl

Do any of you remember this wonderful video from the icy bit last year…?

I saw it back then and made disparaging comments about the driver.

Then I realised who the driver is.

Hi Stuart… *waves*

Yes, I understand that the turn is half a mile past the big field, but my GPS knows that, too.  This would be easier if you weren't about to ask me to repeat it all back to you.

XKCD original alt text : "Yes, I understand that the turn is half a mile past the big field, but my GPS knows that, too. This would be easier if you weren't about to ask me to repeat it all back to you."

I’ve lost track of the number of times I’ve had this conversation. I don’t care where the entrance to your street is, or if there’s this tricky little junction by the pub – if I don’t know how to get somewhere, I use a satnav which knows where you are.

The only two exceptions are if you live at number 23, which is hidden between number 3 and number 81, round the back of number 42, or if you happen to live in a house that was built in the last 12 months.

Besides, the satnav is less likely to miss out a junction and inadvertently put me onto the one way system from hell. Or tell me to turn left at the Rose and Crown, forgetting that the bloody thing burnt down in 1981 and it’s now a scrap yard.

Mar 2010
29
WIN!

The sig implies that this is by Jeph Jacques (of QC fame), but I’ll be buggered if I can find it on one of his sites. The guy has more abandoned websites than I do…

I think that says it all, doesn't it? (c) someone - the internets seem to have forgotten who...

Mar 2010
17
A quick Tescos wtf
What a great deal

Another great deal at Tesco... (Clicky bigness)

Feb 2010
11
Escher would be proud

Every day my RSS feeds are full of gently amusing. This post from PhotoshopDisasters just made my week

I’m only up to the end of season 3, which probably makes this list a bit spoilery

HEROES DRINKING GAME:

  • Drink every time someone is given additional powers to get the writer’s out of a corner.
  • Drink every time a major plot line is completely abandoned (Claire’s a lesbian right?)
  • Drink every time a character’s consistently evil past is ignored and someone gives them another chance to screw them over.
  • Drink every time a Hero could have solved a problem by ACTUALLY USING THEIR SUPER POWERS but chose not to.
  • Drink every time Hiro’s brain tumor is cured by a dream (so far this has only happened once).
  • Drink every time you get fucking sick of reading ALL of Hiro and Ando’s dialog in subtitles WE TOTALLY GET IT, THEY’RE JAPANESE!!!
  • Drink every time Claire seems to forget that her blood cures death in others, so it really doesn’t matter if anyone she cares about dies.
  • Drink every time you have no idea who Noah works for any more.
  • Drink every time it’s obvious the FX budget has run out and they show a “power” off screen or with simple lighting effects.
  • Drink every time a characters actions completely betray any previous character development (WARNING: This is guaranteed to kill you).

I was thinking about how adults say things they don’t mean, and how they confuse little kids…

Many moons ago, when I was about five or six years old (beds were made with sheets and blankets; my grandmother still had all her marbles; and the Model T was still in production) my grandmother came up to tuck me in to bed.

As part of the tucking in process, she pulled the blankets up said “you’ll catch your death if you don’t have your shoulders covered”.

I spent the next few years terrified to go to sleep, certain in the knowledge that I’d die if my ‘soldjers’ weren’t always covered…

Oct 2009
9
Larson in Real Life

Gary Larson is one of those comic writers with a beautifully twisted sense of humour. I’ve always loved the silliness of this cartoon…

Gary Larson's mosquito

So, imagine my delight at seeing this on BoingBoing…


Creative Commons picture from flickr user wmjas

Jun 2009
29
alphamabet

Just in case you were thinking how incredibly sane I am, I thought I’d let you in on a secret – I never learnt the alphabet in English.

I learnt to read at a very early age, I read well above my years throughout school, I read widely and enthusiastically for pleasure. But I still recite the alphabet in Franglais…

Sing along with me…

Ay, bee, sea, dee, ee, ef, gee,
aitch, eye, jay, kay, elle, em, en,
oh, peh, coo, ehr, es, tay, oo,
vey, dou-bleh vay, ix, ‘e grek, zed.

Hohum…

Jun 2009
15
The Elements

Take two tired people, one long boring road complete with averaging speed cameras, a Tom Lehrer CD, and way to much spare time…

I present to you, The Periodic Table, as arranged by Thomas Andrew Lehrer…

[ a larger version (2000*1000) is available, but Flickr won't show it. Mail me and I'll see what I can do... ]

Jun 2009
13
Fete worth than death

Tomorrow is the day when the village I’m planning to move in to gets together and tries to earn money to stop the village hall from falling down.

Everyone gets together at The Chase, or the farm, or the house that is still known by the surname of the old lady who died 20 years ago, and they eat cream teas made with Tesco Value jam, and play those strange games that you only ever see at this level of fund raising event – tombolas and raffles; guess the name of the teddy and the weight of the cake; get as few points as possible at clock golf or as many as possible at pig bowling on a lawn that resembles the Himalayas. And I know that I will both love it and hate it.

I’ve lived there, on and off, for 15 years, yet I know that I’m still considered a new comer. In all that time, just one house has been built, and that was for the old farm manager not an outsider. I’ll go to the fete and know that barely half a dozen people will recognise and acknowledge me – and one of those will think I’m my brother.

Yet still, I’ll enjoy it in that way where you don’t really enjoy anything. It’s a sign that the village still cares about itself and is still small enough that everyone feels that they need to take part. Hell, I know that by next year I’ll be conned into running a stall of some kind – the ultimate sacrifice since it means you can’t bugger off when it gets tedious.

But I’ll be there – just like I’ve been there every year since 1987.

Yet, if I’m honest, one of the reasons I love it so much is that it lets me replay my old “Fete worse than death” joke. It’s hardly an original joke, but it’s one that appeared spontaneously many years ago and has remained a family joke ever since. I don’t recall who first made the joke either. It has a certain dark depressing cynical word play that could well be my doing. But that’s hardly unique in my family.

Yet, despite not being original, it always raises a smile, and it always seems to be new to someone.

There’s just one rule… don’t let anyone in the village hear you call it that…

I have a new favourite site – TextsFromLastNight.com. Quite simply, a list of text messages that people have sent whilst drunk…

Thankfully, it seems to be very Ameri-centric…

May 2009
29
Typography

Strange… I would have gone for Comic Sans MS. Or Brush Script…

May 2009
11
Urban camouflage

CCTV birdbox from Manufactum


I genuinely like this bird box – partly because I love the look on people’s faces when they realise what it is.

If it wasn’t £50 a pop, I’d be tempted to buy a couple to put up around the garden. Maybe with a bat nesting box that looks like an alarm housing…

EDIT Oh yay… and we have the first post to break the new site layout. Anyone want to place bets on how long it will take before I fix it…?