Aug 2010
17

The joys of being a dirty old man…

A while back, someone on FormSpring asked me who would be on my list of the 10 sexiest women in the world.

Recently I got bored enough to actually think about it. There are some who will complain that it treats women as objects (it doesn’t) or that it’s disrespectful (it isn’t). But the list did surprise me a little…

In no particular order (because a ranking does seem rather wrong)…

Olivia Wilde

Olivia Wilde plays the stunning Remy ’13′ Hadley in House MD, where she is the partial replacement for Jennifer Morrison’s Cameron. If I’m honest, a couple of years ago it would have been Morrison here, but I don’t like what her character became in S4 and S5. Which emphasises early on that this list is possibly as much about TV characters as it is about the actresses who play them. In case the role of Doctor hasn’t triggered enough cool nerd points, she is due to appear wrapped in electroluminescent wire for the upcoming movie, TRON Legacy. (wiki)

Sarah Wayne Callies

Dr Sara Tancredi in Prison Break. Yeah, the character was annoying, and yes the writers dealt with her real-life pregnancy is a particularly shitty way, but there’s something fantastic about her eyes and posture. And no prizes for pointing out the myriad similarities between 13/Olivia and Sara/Sarah. Stop it.

Salma Hayek

There are times when Salma Hayek’s roles look about as stereotyped as those of generic Mexican thug Danny Treho or generic Middle Eastern swindler Omid Djalili, but she’s looked significantly better than Danny or Omid in all of her roles.

Desperado, From Dusk Till Dawn, Dogma, Frida, even 30Rock, did she ever look bad?

By the way, it’s incredibly difficult to find photos of Salma that aren’t either screen grabs or showing a huge amount of cleavage…

Christina Hendricks

Sticking with impressive cleavage for a moment, we have Christina Hendricks. While I have no doubt that there is a large part of the Internet that would love to call Ms Hendricks ‘fat’ rather than ‘curvy’, I’d like to hope that her success much push us a little away from the hideously thin fascination we currently have.

She’s also been around for a lot longer than I thought. Since I’ve been watching Mad Men, I’ve seen here all over the place, with FireFly and ER being the most surprising appearances.

Jewel Staite

Without meaning for this to look like 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon, well go from one Friefly cast member to another – Jewel Staite, aka ship’s Engineer Kaylee Frye.

She’s been in all manner of TV programs, normally in relatively minor roles, so Firefly is actually the only place I remember seeing her.

Again, she’s a wonderful mix of cute and nerd.

Parminder Nagra

Oh, I loved ER for many years. Then, one day, they added an English accent to the cast – a beautiful redhead called Elizabeth Corday. The fantastic Alex Kingston would probably be on this list if I’d seen her in anything recently, but other than ER I can only think of the films Essex Boys and The Croupier.

Thankfully, a couple of years later they added a second English accent – the beautiful and talented Ms Parminder Nagra. Of course, the fact that she’s the same age as me and came from the city I went to Uni in has nothing to do with it.

Ginnifer Goodwin

There’s not much I can say other than that I think Ginnifer is incredibly cute. In Mona Lisa Smile she plays a cute 1950s lass. In Walk the Line she played a 1950s Vivian Cash. She’s got that look.

Then she turned up as sweet, cute and naive Margene in Big Love.

Alyson Hannigan

So, no-one who has met me will be surprised by this. I’m two years younger than Ms Hannigan, and grew up with the delights of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I like redheads. I like geeky and nerdy girls. It was pretty much inevitable, wasn’t it?

Lets ignore the god awful ‘humor’ in “How I Met Your Mother” and stick with the beautiful young lady who stars in it.

While we’re ignoring something, can we ignore the time she spent with blonde hair? The red hair was beautiful. The dark hair she seems to favour at the moment is really rather pretty. The blonde hair was… indescribably horrible.

I’ve just realised that Alyson is the third lass on this list to have come from a Joss Whedon project. God I’m a nerd…

Shakira

Shakira is a beautiful lady. If I’m honest, I’ve only just realised this. My interest in this lady is less than honourable.

The prosecution (hang on a sec…) offers just three bits of evidence. I’ve genuinely got no idea how a woman can move like that (Hips Don’t Lie especially) nor how a woman can get away with dance moves that frankly bizarre (the recurring “zombie doing the robot” move is a case in point…)

Dishonourable Mentions

Finally, two names I couldn’t bring myself to add to the list.

First is Lindsey Lohan. When she starred in Herbie Restarts a Franchise, there wasn’t a man alive who didn’t think she looked stunning. Rumours that Disney had used post-production CGI to try and keep her chest under control didn’t harm things either. Sadly, she went down the party route and lecherous males the planet over lost a promising actress.

The second name is Alicia Witt. Unlike Lindsey, she’s done nothing wrong… she’s just done nothing at all. She always seemed to have small parts in things, but she’s pretty much vanished. She did one episode of Sopranos in 2000 and she was in Vanilla Sky in 2001, but since then she’s done a film a year (on average) with nothing I’ve heard of, let alone seen.

Conclusion

I’ve never had a ‘type’ of woman. People have accused me of being a ‘tit man’, which I strenuously deny. I’ve been told I’m an ‘arse man’, which I agree with in as much as skinny women with no behind make me want to go buy people sandwiches.

GB claims the women here fit two types… “curvy and/or redheaded” and “skinny elves”. Again, I’m not convinced…

Maybe I’m just a dirty old man…

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