Jul 2010
24

Some random 1920s adverts…

So… I realised that the ancient travel guides have some fantastically odd adverts…

I know that South Africa has Biltong and America has Jerky, but nothing says “tasty food products” like “MEAT LOZENGES”.

Oh god…

I’ve read this advert three times and only just realised that these aren’t bath salts…

If these lamps are so good, why are they being lit from behind by a magical lamp that lights the surfaces that can’t be seen by the light that’s lighting them? Why the fuck do I care? Oh, whatever… next advert…

I was going to ask what the hell a ‘fruit salt’ was, and how come none of us know about this ‘world famed’ product. Then I looked at Wiki. Apparently ENO brand Fruit Salts are sodium citrate, that well known acidity regulator and anti-clotting agent.

Good job I didn’t do that then. That would have been embarrassing…

What products can we sell to maids with strangely located facial features? Why, cloths that you can use for cleaning Brass, Aluminium, Silver and Glass, but also for giving you a manicures.

By the way, why was everything in the 1920s sold by chemists?

Can’t afford a driver and a tour guide? Buy a load of tour guide books and make it look like a technical innovation, by jove.

We should use the words ‘By Jove’ more frequently…

There’s a reason you don’t get adverts like this any more. It’s not an advert for Vaseline… it’s an advert for a booklet that Vaseline’s manufacturers have made to tell you what the hell you can do with this huge tub of prototype napalm that you’ve now got in your bathroom cabinet.

And, from one horrific use of a fuel by-product to another…

I… erm… what?!

No, apparently, the sticky residue left over when you turn coal into coke (no, this kind of coke) has medicinal properties. Yes, it’s highly flammable, but it’s perfectly safe. That’s why you’re not allowed to put it in anything any more…

I don’t know what’s worse… the fact that we were apparently shipping the stuff for the rest of Europe, of the fact that it’s “tar soap recommended by the” someone or other.

One last one…

Yes, after driving down the road and coating yourself in bits of vaporised rubber and partially burnt hydrocarbons, why not wash yourself in refreshing… oh hang on…

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  • 1

    Tue 3rd Aug '10
    17:24 UTC
    Diemgee

    Careful or you’ll become a grumpy oldie!!

     
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